Pondering the world

the Miss America Reality Show

When I was a kid, everyone watched the Miss America pageant on TV and rooted for their state's gal.  It was anticipated for weeks ahead of time, and that evening everyone was glued to the set.  And it was the first topic of conversation at work or at school the next day.  We talked about the winner, the runners-up, and who we wanted to win that didn't.   I think we all had a sense of investment, and it was practically un-American not to watch Miss America.

I had even gotten up close one year to see Miss Delaware playing a 5-string banjo as she was driven by on a float.  She just sparkled with personality and could really play that thing.  I've never forgiven the judges for not choosing her as Miss America that year.

Now there's a lot of competition on TV, lots of choices besides the Miss America pageant.  So we were channel-surfing the other night and happened to catch a bit of it.   They were down to the 10 finalists and getting ready to make the cut to the five semi-finalists.   Instead of the usual "and now we're going to narrow it down to the top five contestants, one of whom will be crowned the next Miss America," the host announced that "five of you will go home" and pulled out Miss Iowa.

What?

He actually made her stand there and twirl her batons again while he told her that she was not going to be the new Miss America. 

Since when did Miss America become a survivor reality show?  Isn't it bad enough to be among the five left standing off to the side?  All right, everyone knows that they didn't make the final cut, but at least it's not thrown in their faces.  They get to just quietly steal away while the camera pans in on the final five.

I've read some stuff that said they needed to "update" the pageant, but do we have to make it a reality show?

I don't ever watch ANY reality shows.  I tried to watch the very first Survivor show and was appalled by how mean they were.  The whole point was to cut other people down or make them fail.  Isn't life hard enough?  Now just about any show, especially on the Bravo network, is a reality show, from game shows to cooking to hairdressing to decorating, to The Real Housewives of Orange County (and what's "real" about those babes?). 

The Miss America Pageant is now off my list! 

a day of self-inflicted injuries

Some days even Handy Andrea can't do anything right.  Tuesday I managed to fall on the ice, whack my head on the grip bar in the shower, and spray paint my own fingers bronze. 

I'm talented that way.

shame on you, American Express!

For the first time ever, we have an American Express card, through Costco.  Cool.  Except when I called the 800- number to activate the card, it wanted me to choose a password.

"Some of our customers choose their mother's birthday (month and day) as their password.  Please enter your numerical password now."

Silly me--I wanted the number I wanted, not the one they wanted me to have.  Shouldn't I choose one I can remember, one that means something specific to me?  Not to mention that right now I can remember my mother's birthday if I think about it, but with increasing age and decreasing brain cells, that may not be the case in the future.  I can just see myself standing there saying, "when is my mother's birthday?  It's April 23.  No, wait, that's Cheryl's.  Dang.  When is it?"

So I blithely entered in a number where the first two digits did not start with any of the numbers 01 through 12.  And, of course, that second set of two digits was more than 31. 

"I'm sorry.  We did not recognize that password.  Please enter your mother's birthday."

Oh, so now we have the real story.  I don't get to choose my own number; I have to pick one that they want.  Just because they said "some" customers, I assumed they actually meant it.

If that wasn't bad enough, I specifically remember a credit card company warning people never to pick a family member's birthday as a password.  Why?  Because all of that genealogy information is online now.  And here's American Express telling all their credit card holders specifically to choose their mother's birthday as their password--and everyone activating a card knows that.  Shame on them!

All right, you.  I'm an identity thief and I have your credit card number.  So, who's your momma?

 

Is sex really all people think about?

I was cleaning out my spam folder.  As always, there's a bunch of junk emails trying to entice me to open them:  "your prescription is ready," "Re:  your mortgage account," etc.   

I am always astounded by the overabundance of emails talking about Viagra and other "male enhancement" products and techniques.  Are there that many guys out there with size or dysfunction issues?  Or just a huge number of scam artists out there trying to part me from my money?  Or get me to open their spam email?

Usually I just scan the sender names to make sure my spam filter hasn't mistakenly put a valid email in the spam folder.  But some of the subject lines are fairly catchy or amusing.  Keep in mind, these are just a few out of 48 email messages, and they're exactly as written complete with grammar errors and nonsensical stuff to try to make it past the spam filter.  Some of the racier ones have been omitted.

If you're overly sensitive, you can stop reading now and I'll return to normal programming tomorrow.  If not, here are some of the subject lines for your reading amusement:

Ashamed of your size
Bigger is better
Wish its was not so small
Women like big ones
Is your partner happy?
Women like when you have big male aggregate
Big male instrument drive girls mad (your chick shack up with your mate)
NeldaMan-sizedErectileorgan
My coiled python in my pants is huge

(that last one sounds rather Asian, doesn't it?)

 

mousie, mousie, in my housie

Or at least in the garage.  I surprised one the other night when I opened the garage door.  He darted out from under some chairs, hugged the baseboard, dashed around the corner, around the mouse trap, thank you, and into my sewing room.  At least it's a detached garage so I can delude myself that they're not getting in the house.   The garage door is missing that weather seal thing at the bottom of the door, so I should look into replacing that.

I guess the mouse trap wasn't attractive enough to him, since he--or something--has eaten all the peanut butter off the traps.  So I put fresh peanut butter on the traps.  Has he gotten caught yet?  Nooooooo......

And, since we all know that trouble never comes one thing at a time, I'm also matching wits with another of the little buggers at the B&B.  He is so disdainful of my trap that he trips it as he walks over it.  However, now that I know where he's getting in, tomorrow's task is to spray in some of that expanding spray foam in a can and plug the hole.  Take that!

wanted: snappy comebacks to stupid questions

I've never been quick with a comeback.  The next day or two later, I may think of something I should have said.

And when the phone rang at 4:10 yesterday morning with someone calling to make a reservation, I wasn't in any shape to think of much at all.  In fact, when he asked if I had a room available for tonight, at first I said no, thinking he meant right that minute.  Then I realized he meant Saturday night because, yes, it was now "today" and we have rooms available for "tonight."

A few minutes into collecting the information to make the reservation, he said, "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

There's your sign.

Now, what could I have said to that?  Several things come to mind, most of them fairly sarcastic.  "No, I'm always up at 4 a.m. just waiting for someone to call."  The problem with that is dull-witted people won't understand the sarcasm and think you're serious, encouraging them to call at any hour of the day or night.   And sarcasm is rarely appreciated by those on the receiving end.  I've learned not to make jokes with someone who has no sense of humor--they don't get the joke, and they get mad because they know they've missed something.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm slow on the comeback.  It's probably kept me out of trouble.

All right, you lurkers out there.  Leave a comment.  Give it your best shot!  Points for originality!  What would you have said?

Candied orange peel day

I hadn't intended to spend all day in the kitchen, but that's how it turned out.  It all started with Tropical Fruit Ambrosia:

sections from 5 oranges
1 1/2 c. diced pineapple
1 1/2 c. diced mango
1/4 c. shredded coconut
1 T. Cointreau orange liqueur

Combine and refrigerate overnight.  (Don't know how to cut a mango?  Leave a comment and I'll tell you the easy way.)

I had orange peels left and realized I hadn't made candied orange peel in about a year.  There's a good reason for that--it's time-consuming and tedious.  But I had found a new recipe that looked better than the one I had (it is), and I had lots of orange peels left.  And when I made another batch of ambrosia, I had enough orange peels to make candied orange peel.  If you're going to do this, make it worthwhile.  (Instructions below--and yes, it is SO worth making your own.)

So I made candied orange peel.  And since it takes 3 hours to simmer once you've prepped the fruit, I stayed in the kitchen and puttered.  I made a lemon pound cake.  And dinner--chicken with pasta and broccoli from Cooks Illustrated--yum!  And looked at recipes for dark chocolate cupcakes.  And made a BIG MESS. 

The big mess came when I had scooped the orange peels out of the syrup and had a lot of the orange sugar syrup left.  Would it be worth taking it to the hard ball stage and making candy?  (no--flavor not intense enough)  In the process I got sugar syrup on a lot of pans and spoons and pretty much everything else.  Which is why I spent the entire day in the kitchen, cleaning up.  Next time just pour that leftover hot syrup into a foil-lined bowl, wait until it cools, then toss it out.   Get the pot , spoons and everything else into really hot water right away to melt it off.

What to do with candied orange peel?  Once you have it on hand, you'll find all kinds of uses for it.  My plan is to finely dice some and add it to the chocolate cupcake batter.  Add it to banana bread--spectacular!  Salad:   mixed greens with a light vinaigrette, toasted pecans or pine nuts, thinly sliced red or green onions, crumbles of Gorgonzola or goat cheese, and top with finely diced candied orange peel.

I know we'll get busy soon and I won't have as much time to spend in the kitchen, but for now it's nice to spend a whole day cooking.

Candied Orange Peel

adapted from Food & Wine Magazine
makes about 6 cups candied peel

5 lb. oranges, washed and dried
8 c. water
8 c. sugar, divided

 To peel oranges: cut off top and bottom of oranges, keeping these. Stand orange on one of the cut ends. With a paring knife, cut peel downward in about 1-inch strips around the orange, going all the way down to the fruit. Set fruit aside for other uses (see Kathy’s Tropical Fruit Ambrosia). 

 Put all of the orange peels, including tops and bottoms, in a saucepan and cover with cold water. Bring to a boil and then boil another 3 minutes; remove from heat and drain. Repeat two more times. After final cooking, drain and remove peels to a rack and cool 20 minutes or until cool enough to handle.

 At edge of cutting board, flatten each strip with the peel side down. With a sharp knife, cut off white part as close to the peel as possible and discard white part. Slice each strip lengthwise into about 1/4-inch strips. 

 In a large heavy pot over high heat, bring 8 cups of water and 6 cups of sugar to a boil. Add peels, reduce heat to maintain a steady, gentle simmer and cook, stirring occasionally until peels are tender, sweet and translucent, about 3 hours. There should still be plenty of syrup left in the pan.

With a slotted spoon, remove peels from syrup and immediately spread out all the orange peel on a wire rack set over a baking sheet (hint: put a Silpat liner under the wire rack). Let cool, then separate the orange peel strips on the wire rack. Let sit until dry, at least 8 hours. Toss peels with remaining 2 cups of sugar; shake off excess.

Store in an airtight plastic container. Do not refrigerate.

out of context--"mas fuerte que nunca"

Several weeks ago I saw a bus with an ad on the side and in big letters it said "mas fuerte que nunca."  I didn't catch any of the rest of it.

I used what little Spanish I know to piece it together:  mas means "more" or "better;" I don't know what "fuerte" means; que nunca is "than never."  I cobbled together that it must mean "better late than never."  Sounds like a fair assumption, right?

However, in the online Spanish dictionary "fuerte" has a number of meanings:  bouncing, hefty, loud, lusty, strapping, strong--you get the picture. 

Now I'll be looking for that bus with that ad to see the other stuff on the side, like pictures or additional information to see if I can figure out what it means.  Look how often our advertising in English involves a play on words or a pun.  I'm sure they do the same in Spanish.  It's all in the context.

I'm still learning as I get older, and one of things I've learned is that you can't just pick up a dictionary, learn a bunch of words and some grammar and say you know the language.  That's just the beginning.

Handy Andrea--Demolition Woman!--Part II

Voila!  Open storage space!   With exposed 2x4 interior framed walls!

What to do, what to do... ?  One of my problems was having a bunch of tools that needed to be hung up but no available wall space and also a bunch of scrap pieces of wood, curtain rods, roller blinds, etc.  May I say here that I really dislike that "clean-up-your-shop" idea of putting all those things in a garbage can?  Yes, it will keep them in one place and stop them from falling all over.  But you have no idea how many times I've walked by one of those and had the sharp end of a curtain rod rip open my arm or a rake tine grab my sleeve and almost take me down.  I am SO done with that.

Wood scraps!  Open framing!  Woo-hoo!  I cut a couple of wood slats the width of the walls and made bars across about 1 foot and 2 feet up from the floor.  Voila!  Now all those wood scraps, dowels, curtain rods and small skinny objects have a home inside the framing.  And after nailing a scrap 2x4 up about 6 feet high, I hammered in some big nails and had space to hang up rakes, shovels and all kinds of long-handled tools. Anything that didn't have a hole for hanging in the top of the handle does now.  Cool.

I actually have more fun figuring out solutions to problems than sorting through stuff and getting it organized, but I finally got to that by mid-afternoon on Tuesday.  It is now sorted into boxes by room and labeled, and I even created a document as I did it so I know exactly where certain items are (Christmas table runner?  check. Christmas placemats and silk poinsettias?  check!). 

And Handy Andrea is not yet done!  I have one more demolition project, but that may have to wait a few days.  In the meantime, I've emptied the back of the truck by a run to Goodwill and the recycling drop-off, so I'm ready to go at it again, dust mask and shop vac at the ready.

 

Handy Andrea--Demolition Woman!--Part I

It's official--I am over my post-vacation lack of ambition.  Monday I started cleaning out our storage building (the "carriage house") and ended up tearing out a wall.

Steve and I have talked about it, and he looked to make sure they weren't load-bearing walls.  It used to be a detached garage and it appears at some point someone did some construction, maybe thinking to live in the building or at least have a working bathroom in there.  They got as far as partitioning off a corner, putting in a wall to make a tiny room for a toilet, installing some really cheap cabinets (old, used, and probably free), and running some wiring.  That's it.

I use that far corner for storing all of our Christmas decorations, since we only have to get into it twice a year.  However, anything stored way back in that toilet closet is impossible to get to.  And since the cabinets were fairly useless and just took up space, I didn't have enough storage space.  And--you guessed it--the Christmas stuff just sort of got chucked into the main part of the building, wherever there was any room at all.  Add to that the fact that one of my employees--no longer with us--just threw Christmas stuff in boxes in spite of my instructions.  I had really wanted to put it away in an organized fashion, sorted by room and labeled so next year I could just go in and pull out the boxes I needed and maintain a little sanity. 

Stephanie and I had moved all the boxes into the driveway and taken down the junky cabinets, and they're now sitting in the driveway.  So I took my trusty Wonder Bar and hammer and started whacking away.  I took the sheetrock completely off and removed the wiring.  Steve then took his Sawzall and cut that frame wall out slicker'n duck poop.  Then he knocked the 2x4's apart and removed the nails so I could re-use them.

Which I promptly did, to make a shelf across the top of that area for my Christmas dolls (5) and miniature trees (2)  and other assorted stuff.  All wrapped up in plastic bags to keep them dust- and cobweb-free.  When you have an 8-bedroom B&B, you have a lot of Christmas stuff!

I finally did run out of daylight and have to pack it in for the day, just putting all that Christmas stuff right back in as it was, but at least I could get it all in there.

Stay tuned for Handy Andrea--Demolition Woman!  Part II.