Pondering the world

you get what you pay for

My regular hairdresser is on maternity leave until sometime in July.  I was past due for a haircut, and the hair flying in my face was making me a little crazy.  I have short hair, but I can't stand having hair anywhere on my face.  So when I was working outside on Saturday cutting up yet another big cottonwood branch in the wind, my hair was whipping around my face while I was muttering, "I have GOT to get a haircut."

Of course, the day I decide that I MUST have a haircut is Sunday.  No respectable hairdresser is open around here either on Sunday or Monday, leaving me to the mercy of the hair salons at the mall.  They're all walk-up operations, so I had to sign up and then wait my turn.  The first salon I went to couldn't even get me in for a couple of hours, so I visited Mastercuts.

I usually pay $37.50 for my haircut.  I have short hair and it's naturally curly, so it's not like Megan can do a whole lot of styling.  Just keep it short and it does what it wants anyway. 

Mastercuts only charges $13.95 for an adult haircut.  The hairdresser, who didn't bother to tell me her name, was nice enough and she did a tolerable job.  At least I don't look like someone attacked my hair with garden pruning shears.  But for that $13.95, you don't get anything else, just a cut.  No shampoo, no blow dry. 

It's true that you get what you pay for.  So the next time I need a haircut, I'll be happy to pay Megan more for a better cut with all the extras.

it feels like employee hell

Last Monday was apparently "employee hell" day.  At least, that's what it felt like.

It seems a little like "The Dating Game."  Which housekeeper would you choose?  And heeeeerrrreeee are our contestants:

Housekeeper #1 called to ask if we were hiring.  That was interesting, considering she filed an unemployment claim against us last summer, saying that we had laid her off for lack of work.   Wrong.  (We won that case.)  We're not hiring now--well, we're not hiring her.

Housekeeper #2 called to harangue us again about her final paycheck, which we mailed to her after we fired her for not showing up for work for the fourth time in three weeks.  She hadn't received it yet.  She's called nearly every day since Friday, several times being rude and hanging up on us.  Guess what?  Being rude on the phone is not the way to get what you want.

Housekeeper #3, our employee from 2004, called from out of the blue saying she would like to stop by for a short visit.  When she did stop by, she hinted that she'd like to come back to work for us, but that's not going to happen, either.  She's nice, but flaky, and not particularly reliable.  By the way, she's had baby number three by dad number three, and her parents in Colorado are raising the baby for her, along with her two other children.

On "The Dating Game," the girl always had to make a choice of the three, which meant she could still end up with a loser.

The good news is, I don't have to get stuck with any of these.  I've already been in employee hell, thanks.

maybe they should consider a new line of work

A few days ago, I drove into the City parking lot across the street and noticed a "Blah Blah Tree Care" truck (I don't like to name names) with a chipper/shredder trailer hitched to the back.

"At last," I thought.  "They're finally going to remove the dead tree."  Art, the City parking lot maintenance guy, had told me that was in the plan for this year.  The tree has been dead for at least four years.  Last year I put up some support wire and planted morning glories on it.

A young man and woman were standing by the truck with their backs to the dead tree, apparently looking at a map. 

They need a map of the parking lot to find the dead tree?  That would be the only one in the entire parking lot... without any leaves.

I'm not a professional, but here's some advice:  put down the map and turn around slowly, looking at the trees.

That was Saturday.  The dead tree is still intact.

Wedding hell--the end of the story

For this to make any sense, you have to go back and read Wedding hell--Part I and Wedding hell--Part II.  Once you've read those, here's the follow-up:

I don't know if there was a wedding yesterday, but it wasn't here. 

We went the extra mile for that couple and called in a favor.  Get this:  a City employee actually called them at 9:15 Wednesday night and left a message that the gazebo was available for their wedding on Sunday.  You don't get that kind of service every day.

The gazebo on the Plaza is prime wedding venue.  Everybody wants to have their wedding there if the weather is nice.  For $250, you can have an inexpensive wedding, invite as many people as you would like, bring your coolers with food and beverages, whatever.  It's shady and very picturesque.

But the bride never called back and the wedding didn't happen there, either.

My guess is that one of two things happened:  either they decided to have it somewhere else, like in their own yard at home, or the bride started thinking better of the whole thing and called the wedding off.

If I were her, I'd be flinging off that wedding veil and running away as fast as possible.

No, I'm not turning off my wireless internet

Recently, someone stopped by to pick up some items that a guest left for her.  She expressed interest in staying at our bed & breakfast.

"Do you have wireless internet?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied with a big smile.  People are normally surprised and delighted with this.

Her enthusiasm died.  She's a naturopath who is leading an effort to rid the world--and businesses--of wireless internet and cell phone towers.  She went on to lecture me about how Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor because of cell phones and wireless internet.  "The evidence is in."

"I'm on my way to stay at a bed & breakfast in Flagstaff.  They've agreed to turn off their wireless internet while I'm staying with them."  She looked at me expectantly.

By my silence, I declined to make the same offer.  I'm not about to take a huge step backwards and tank my business by reducing the services my guests expect.

Did you know that your cell phone can pop popcorn?  I'm going to try this.  It looks like a neat party trick.

Wedding hell--Part II

There will be no wedding here on Father's Day, June 15th.  Or ever again while we own the place.

Bride and Groom showed up to sign the contract and balked.  First, he stumbled on the clause for inclement weather that said if the weather was bad, no indoor space was available.

"Well, if it's really hot, can they come inside?"

"No.  You only contracted for the yard.  And since you moved the wedding time to 6:00--which we would never have agreed to do--it's during our check-in time for other guests."

Then he hit the clause about the maximum number of people being 15, and he said it might be 20 or 25.  "Well, if we invited someone and they bring another couple of people, it could be more."  And we would charge for each additional person over 15 people.  "I can't afford that!"

It went downhill from there.

Groom tried everything--the rings cost too much, he would have to borrow money from his mother (wait!  He told us he didn't have any family--they were all dead!) or tell her she couldn't come because there were too many people, he could trade for electrical work for us, etc.  At one point, I thought he was going to ask if we would do it for free.

I hope Bride was paying attention.  The lies were coming unraveled.

There is no wedding here on Father's Day.  We're now officially out of wedding hell.

Wedding hell--Part I

For the most part, we don't do weddings.  Everyone wants to have one in our yard, but there are a dozen reasons we don't do weddings.  I won't bore you with the details.

We've had two weddings so far, and we're just about to have our third--and final--wedding.  After that, we don't do weddings.  Period.

I figure a couple of weeks from now, this will be a funny story.  Right now, it's not.

Bride stopped by about two weeks ago asking if we could host a small wedding only for about 8-10 people.  Since we've done two small ones--wedding only, NO RECEPTIONS--we talked about some details and figured we could do it.  She wanted it small and simple, and our event fee is not that much.  Set up some chairs, we're good to go.

She was here around 2:30, and we talked about the time of day, since the afternoon sun starts coming into the yard, and they'd really want to have it in the shade.  She called Groom; they agreed to come back around 4:00 to look at the yard.  At 4:00, the sun was creeping towards the area where they would want to have the ceremony, so we settled on 2:30 on Father's Day, June 15th. 

Bride and Groom were to return on Tuesday, June 3rd, to sign the contract and put down a deposit.  No show, no hear.  I wasn't too worried, since it's a small wedding.  If they cancel... eh.

It's now six days before the wedding and the phone rings.  Groom is calling to confirm the wedding on June 15th.... at 6:00 p.m.

Me:  "Excuse me?  Your wedding is scheduled for 2:30."

Groom:  "We changed it to 6:00.  Her daughters can't get here from Maine until late that afternoon.  We're picking them up at the airport at 5:30.  We're going to have people come at 3:00 until about 5:30 for food and drinks, and have the wedding at 6:00, and then we have dinner reservations at 7:00."  (Any red flags going up for you yet?)

Me:  "No, you're not.  We scheduled the wedding for 2:30.  You can't change it like that!"

Groom:  "Well, that's when we're going to have it, because I've already sent out the invitations and everything."

Me:  "We have a real problem.  You can't just change the time of the wedding--and add a reception--without talking to us!"

Groom:  "Well, I meant to.  I thought I did.  I guess I didn't do that.  Anyway, we've already sent out the invitations." 

It degenerated from there.

As I sit here writing this, Bride and Groom are now late for their appointment to come sign the re-negotiated contract and pay for the whole thing now that we're only five days out.

Stay tuned for Part II.  There may even be a Part III or Part IV.

Seth Godin's email checklist

Seth Godin has a great post called "email checklist."  It's basically a list of the do's and don't's of email.  I wish more people would pay attention to these.  I also wish there was a subtle way I could point a few people to it with a note saying "I thought you might find this interesting."  Unfortunately, a lot of people don't get subtle hints.

Just in case you don't feel like following the link above, here's the entire post.  No matter how experienced anyone is with email, it's always worth it to take a refresher.

Email checklist

Before you hit send on that next email, perhaps you should run down this list, just to be sure:

1. Is it going to just one person? (If yes, jump to #10)
2. Since it's going to a group, have I thought about who is on my list?
3. Are they blind copied?
4. Did every person on the list really and truly opt in? Not like sort of, but really ask for it?
5. So that means that if I didn't send it to them, they'd complain about not getting it?
6. See #5. If they wouldn't complain, take them off!
7. That means, for example, that sending bulk email to a list of bloggers just cause they have blogs is not okay.
8. Aside: the definition of permission marketing: Anticipated, personal and relevant messages delivered to people who actually want to get them. Nowhere does it say anything about you and your needs as a sender. Probably none of my business, but I'm just letting you know how I feel. (And how your prospects feel).
9. Is the email from a real person? If it is, will hitting reply get a note back to that person? (if not, change it please).
10. Have I corresponded with this person before?
11. Really? They've written back? (if no, reconsider email).
12. If it is a cold-call email, and I'm sure it's welcome, and I'm sure it's not spam, then don't apologize. If I need to apologize, then yes, it's spam, and I'll get the brand-hurt I deserve.
13. Am I angry? (If so, save as draft and come back to the note in one hour).
14. Could I do this note better with a phone call?
15. Am I blind-ccing my boss? If so, what will happen if the recipient finds out?
16. Is there anything in this email I don't want the attorney general, the media or my boss seeing? (If so, hit delete).
17. Is any portion of the email in all caps? (If so, consider changing it.)
18. Is it in black type at a normal size?
19. Do I have my contact info at the bottom? (If not, consider adding it).
20. Have I included the line, "Please save the planet. Don't print this email"? (If so, please delete the line and consider a job as a forest ranger or flight attendant).
21. Could this email be shorter?
22. Is there anyone copied on this email who could be left off the list?
23. Have I attached any files that are very big? (If so, google something like 'send big files' and consider your options.)
24. Have I attached any files that would work better in PDF format?
25. Are there any :-) or other emoticons involved? (If so, reconsider).
26. Am I forwarding someone else's mail? (If so, will they be happy when they find out?)
27. Am I forwarding something about religion (mine or someone else's)? (If so, delete).
28. Am I forwarding something about a virus or worldwide charity effort or other potential hoax? (If so, visit snopes and check to see if it's actually true).
29. Did I hit 'reply all'? If so, am I glad I did? Does every person on the list need to see it?
30. Am I quoting back the original text in a helpful way? (Sending an email that says, in its entirety, "yes," is not helpful).
31. If this email is to someone like Seth, did I check to make sure I know the difference between its and it's? Just wondering.
32. If this is a press release, am I really sure that the recipient is going to be delighted to get it? Or am I taking advantage of the asymmetrical nature of email--free to send, expensive investment of time to read or delete?
33. Are there any little animated creatures in the footer of this email? Adorable kittens? Endangered species of any kind?
34. Bonus: Is there a long legal disclaimer at the bottom of my email? Why?
35. Bonus: Does the subject line make it easy to understand what's to come and likely it will get filed properly?
36. If I had to pay 42 cents to send this email, would I?

Lead from any seat

One of my favorite motivational speakers, T. Scott Gross, posted today on the subject of "lead from any seat."  We've been talking about this for a few years and doing it for the past year.  The person with the title or leading the meeting sometimes--or often--is not the real leader.  Who is the one who can make things happen?  Get things done?  Persuade others to do things?

Influence without Authority by Cohen and Bradford is a book in the same vein, and another is You don't need a title to be a leader by Mark Sanborn. 

While the association has been in chaos for the past year, some of us have been quietly, persistently, patiently leading in the background. 

schmoozing with the Patels

For tonight's business exchange, I took one of our mugs and half a dozen of our Bottger Mansion chocolate chip cookies.  One of the Patels from one of the local economy motels won it as a door prize, so I wandered over to introduce myself. 

They're really nice folks, and with them was another Indian guy who owns another local economy motel.  Of course, we started talking hotel business stuff (we ALWAYS have stories to tell).  Eventually I told them about the Greater Albuquerque Innkeepers Association, which, ironically, is an association of the big hotels--and us.  That really got them laughing.  I told them enough to get them interested in possibly joining the association, and I've passed their contact information to the membership chair.

I'm not anywhere near being a networking queen, but it seems to me the first rule of networking is to connect people.  Networking is not "if you can't help me, then I won't waste my time with you."  It's really about connecting someone with some OTHER person who can help THEM.  Then they remember what YOU did for them.

P.S.  The Patels from India are famous in the motel industry for being so prolific and owning so many properties.  I've heard they all come from the same region in India.  Maybe true, maybe not, but it's interesting.

P.P.S.  Isn't "Patel" a great last name?   When I was a kid, I heard about the "Fabulous Flying Wallendas," a wonderful circus trapeze family.  Ever since then, my test for having a great last name was whether it passed the "Fabulous Flying" test.  The Fabulous Flying Patels!  It works!